Self-Esteem. Exactly what is it and how do I get more of it? Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself - your internal self-worth. Webster’s Dictionary defines self-esteem as:
Self: to, for or toward oneself
Esteem: to set a high value; respect
Self-esteem is more than just the value and respect we have for ourselves; it’s the basis for everything we think, feel and do in our lives. It stands to reason then that we’d want high self-esteem to live that higher quality of life.
We’re not taught self-esteem in school - we’re taught to be more like Johnny who pays attention, or Sarah who participates in class. At home, we’re told to be more like our brother or sister. This only implies that there’s something wrong with us. When we’re all grown up, we associate who we are with our role in life - our job title, as a parent or as a spouse. What do we do when the role changes and we begin to hate who we’ve become?
Building Healthy Self-Esteem
As with anything in life, building healthy self-esteem can be accomplished when you set your mind to it. These exercises will take you from a low feeling of self-worth, to a healthy place of self-respect that only comes from knowing yourself. A word of caution: These powerful exercises ONLY work when you do the work.
There’s magic in writing things down. As you move through these steps, take your time and write down everything that comes to mind. Remember, this isn’t a race, it’s a process…
1. Awareness. Any change starts with awareness. How do you feel about yourself right now? The good, the bad, the ugly.
2. Understanding. Why do you feel this way about yourself? What situations and interactions have you had with others that make you feel the way you do? What do you say to yourself about You?
3. Responsibility. Accept responsibility for your life - and how you feel about it. Blaming others will only keep you in victim mode and will NOT help you build self-esteem. Accepting responsibility is the one thing that will catapult you in the direction you want to go.
4. Forgiveness. Find your way to forgiving others for doing and saying things to you that have hurt. Most of all, forgive yourself - for your situation in life, for the way you feel about yourself, for others you have hurt. This goes a long way in accepting yourself, warts and all, in order to move forward.
5. Mind Your Own Business. Let what others say about you run through your internal garbage filter. Take in the good things and let the criticisms fall in the trash. Do be aware of constructive feedback and adjust accordingly. You’ll recognize it when it comes from a place of caring.
6. Decide Who You Want To Be. We all know what we don’t want, but do you know what you want? Who do you want to be? What kind of person - caring, confident, approachable, a confidante? Get very clear on what the new you looks and feels like.
7. Love Yourself. For many, it’s harder than it sounds. “How can I possibly love myself when I don’t love myself?” There’s lots to love about you. Start by telling yourself “I love you” while looking in the mirror. Do this every morning and every night until you begin to believe it. This may seem silly but it’s very powerful so don’t knock it until you try it.
8. Garbage In, Garbage Out. Our subconscious minds are programmed with all kinds of garbage from TV, advertising and the news. Be very aware of what you put into your head - you may be particularly susceptible to negative input right now. To counter balance this, write out affirmations of the new you and read them every morning and every night before you go to sleep. I am self-confident, I love myself, I walk with my head held high - you get the picture. Speaking of picture, visualize the new you after reading your affirmations - feel how you feel having high self-esteem, meeting every situation with confidence and grace.
9. Celebrate. We’re very good at catching ourselves doing something wrong, and seem to forget all the things we do right. Practice celebrating your wins, however small they may be. Were you able to ignore negative comments today? Celebrate it! Success breeds success. Every time you celebrate your successes, your subconscious says, Yeah, I want more of that!
10. Self Talk. What do you say to yourself when no one can hear? That is, other than you. When you catch yourself saying “I’m an idiot”, or “That was stupid” - STOP. You internalize that conversation just as you do when it comes from others. Immediately say, “Cancel That! - I am smart, I’ll do better next time.”
Does this seem like hard work? Maybe. What’s harder is living a life feeling less than.
Now that you have accepted responsibility for your problems it is time to forgive yourself. We get so caught up in constantly beating ourselves up that this can truly stop any progress we are making. 
When you have been wronged by someone in one way or another, it creates negative feelings inside of you. You may be left feeling hurt, angry, frustrated, sad, or any combination of these. So, how then would these feelings lead you to forgiveness? The truth is they don’t. 