Mi Hamba Blog

What if you could learn the skills necessary to make connections naturally and effortlessly?  It’s possible - with practice and useful repetition of some key basics, you’ll be attracting people, relationships and situations that will improve your life.

Eye Contact - people feel you have nothing to hide when you can look them in the eye.  Maintain eye contact during a conversation and don’t’ let your eyes wander around the room - it only makes the other person feel they’re not important to you.

Posture & Body Language - this says more about what you’re saying than your actual words.  If you say you’re happy and excited but you’re posture is slumped, it’s not congruent with what you’re saying.  However, if you say you’re happy and your posture is strong, you’ll come across as genuinely happy. 

 If you’re standing with your arms crossed or faced away from the person you’re talking to, you may seem angry, defensive or “closed” off from them.  Consider facing the person you’re talking with in a relaxed (not slouched) posture - you’ll come across as open and warm.

Facial Expressions - this goes hand in hand with posture and body language.  We rarely notice how expressive our faces are, and how easily people can read what we really mean.  Fear, excitement, concern, happiness, surprise…they all show on our face.  Think about the last time someone told you they weren’t angry at you but their face told another story.  Which one did you believe - their words or their facial expression?

Tone - how you say something is as important as what you say.  Try this - say the following phrase “It’s late” with these emotions…anger, boredom and surprise.  Notice how the meaning changes with the tone you put into the words.  It’s the same with other words that you say.

Interrupting - this is about the rudest thing that we can do to someone, whether in person or over the phone.  We all do it, and we should all do less of it.  When we interrupt the person talking to us, we’re saying that what they have to say isn’t important to us - they’re not important.  Remember the last time you were interrupted.  How did it make you feel?  Are you open to developing a connection with that person?

Honesty - our bodies don’t lie and we shouldn’t either.  When we lie, our body will react proportionately to the size of the lie.  We sweat, our posture becomes somewhat slouched, our eyes will make slight shifts as we tell the lie and our eyebrows may slightly arch.  There’s energy to the words we say and others will instinctually pick up on it.  The best policy is to avoid it.

Learning just one of these communication tools will improve the relationships you currently have and the new ones you’ll form.

We gravitate to people who are like us because it’s comfortable and familiar.  We also stay away from people that have qualities we don’t like - sometimes even ones that we don’t like about ourselves.

Have you ever had an instant like or dislike to someone that you’ve just met?  It’s likely that the person has resonated with either something inside you that you like very much, or don’t like at all.  It’s very much an instinctual and unconscious process - we don’t give it much thought at all.

Why it Matters:
When people like you, they see the best in you.  They become your greatest resource in getting what you want because they like you and want to help. 

Let’s say you have this dream to publish a book that’s just burning inside of you.  When you mention it to a co-worker while getting coffee, your boss just happens to walk in.  As your co-worker leaves the lunch room, your boss says he has a friend that’s a publisher - if you’re interested he’ll give her your contact information.

Your first thought may be “what’s in it for him”, or “what does he really want”.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  You’ve already made an impression on your boss - he likes you.   It’s because of the favorable impression that you’ve already made (consciously or unconsciously) that motivates your boss to reach out and support you.  It makes him feel good knowing that he’s helping you.  That’s connecting.

When it comes down to it, life is about the connections we have with other people.  The quality of your life will be in direct proportion to the quality of your relationships.  People who connect live longer, are happier, and enjoy more personal growth than those that don’t.  Improving your connections with people is your ticket to improving your life.

How Are You Connecting With People?

Let’s face it, the connection we have with other people affect our health, happiness, financial worth, and success.  Whether that’s through close interpersonal relationships with family and partners, business relationships or casual acquaintances.  How we connect (or don’t) with others affects every area of our lives.  Doesn’t it make sense then to sharpen our communication skills - to learn how to connect better with people around us?

“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

It may surprise you to know that you have only about 90 seconds to make that first impression - for good, for bad, for indifferent.  Make yourself memorable - by the way you talk, the way you dress, your laughter, the way you introduce yourself.  Stand out in the crowd - be remembered.

There’s one school of thought that Valentine’s Day is just another ‘commercial’ day for business owners to sell their goods.  The flipside to that, is that Valentine’s Day is a ‘reminder’ day to focus on your significant other.  What do you believe?

You see, I think the answer may very well reflect what your relationship with your partner looks and feels like.  I’ll be the first to admit that in years past (long past) I used to believe that this day was just to have us part with our hard-earned money.  After all, didn’t I show my love all year round?  What did I need a special day for?

Valentine’s Day is a special day for those in significant intimate relationships.  I no longer feel it’s a commercial ploy - it now means something much more to me…

When I woke this morning there was the most beautiful card waiting for me.  So beautiful in fact that it brought tears to my eyes.  At that moment, I had such a strong feeling of love, appreciation, gratitude and happiness that it was overwhelming.  It’s not the card that made me feel treasured and beautiful, but what my heart of hearts wrote inside.

This day of lovers is to remind us to appreciate and cherish the second most important relationship we have - the one with our partner.  Every day I look at this card and think of the memories we’ve created, I’ll feel gratitude and love that my husband has chosen me to share his life with. 

That can only be a good thing!

We all have our stories and memories of Thanksgiving - embraced by our sometimes quirky and colorful family and friends.  We just had to share one such story with you on this Thanksgiving Day.  You’ll find it to be vibrant in it’s telling of one such family and the joy, laughter and memories created in years past…

Uncle Harold

As the Thanksgiving Holiday approached I found myself thinking of my Uncle Harold. My Uncle Harold was the center piece of each and every family Thanksgiving dinner for twenty five years. There was one simple reason for this family legacy. Uncle Harold had the ability to render an entire group of heathens quiet and reverent for two minutes by virtue of his being the only family member that could do a good Thanksgiving rendition of “Grace.” He wasn’t just good; he was marvelous and his prayers were full of style and flowing drama. Sometimes they went on for more than the two allotted minutes and the gravy got cold.  And then there was the year, 1981 I think it was, where he wouldn’t stop and mold started growing on the mashed potatoes, but during those times Uncle Harold was really in spirit and you didn’t want to mess with spirit, at least not anything you couldn’t drink. With Harold anchoring grace it was as if Moses himself had stopped by to give a helping hand or in this case a helping prayer.

Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving Uncle Harold literally Kicked “Grace” through the family goal posts (The Lions and Packers being respectfully turned off) and thus properly blessed and civilized we could get on with the eating and drinking, primarily the drinking.

Where Michael Jordan was the face of pro basketball, Brett Farve the face of pro football and Barry Bonds the face of pro baseball, Uncle Harold was the face of “Professional Grace” throughout my life.  As a young adult and living far away from home I sometimes had to travel more than a thousand miles to get there for Thanksgiving, but the thought of Uncle Harold giving grace, those two magical minutes or “More” and wondering whether you might be featured, “Lord, bless Bill and be with him on his long journey home,” always sustained me somewhere just outside of Grand Island, Nebraska. Being featured in Uncle Harold’s Thanksgiving recitation of grace created another, smaller family industry, the industry of the wager. There were always three or four side bets as to who was going to be featured that year in the prayer. I usually had a better than fifty percent chance because of the sacrifice of distance traveled and besides, I hadn’t been around to piss Uncle Harold off. I usually wagered ten bucks on myself and more often than not collected some sizable gas money.

Where Uncle Harold acquired this unique ability is somewhat of a mystery. He owned a small Roller Mill company and was pretty wealthy and married to my Dad’s sister Mae. I mean if you own a Corn Roller Mill company in Iowa you “ARE” somebody! They were church going people Harold and Mae and he held church going titles like “Elder” and such. Their three kids grew up to be fine adults and the lone boy John became a missionary and he’s currently teaching religion and sanitation somewhere in South America. Despite all this, there was a dark side to Uncle Harold.

Uncle Harold might have been the meanest most demanding customer a restaurant ever entertained. I was especially sensitive to this because I was a big shot in the restaurant industry at the time and was appalled one day to watch the Michael Jordan of “Grace” reduce a poor innocent waitress into a tearful stuttering heap. I sometimes felt like Uncle Harold might have made a good slave owner in the Deep South. I could see him giving the lead slave Tobias a few instructions just before gathering the family in the wagon and heading off to Sunday church.

There was also the fact that Uncle Harold was an alcoholic and maybe his ability to give the perfect prayer came from some facet of speaking in tongues, albeit a well lubricated tongue.  There was also the time I watched Uncle Harold jump off the roof of his house and break his leg. Somehow that just didn’t fit one who could take a group of heathens and turn them into pious, grateful, God fearing folk with a simple two minute prayer right before Thanksgiving dinner. Still, all in all Uncle Harold held every member of the family in the palm of his hand each and every year when the call went out to gather for prayer.

Generally my Mother and then in later years my sister or cousin would give the call to the table. “Hey everybody! It’s time to eat dinner! Uncle Harold would you say grace?”  The last part was totally unnecessary because even my little three year old niece knew who the King of Grace was and it was after all, what I had driven all those miles for. So with everybody putting down their glasses of beer, homemade schnapps, homemade wine, wine in a box, shots of whiskey, and seven and seven’s and with my youngest brother Steve outside puking in the ditch somewhere, Uncle Harold, hands clasped in front of him, would sidle up to the table with eyes closed in preparation for prayer.

Of course at that very moment my cousin’s husband Larry would be in the middle of slurring another dirty joke to my cousin Dave but fortunately Uncle Harold always started grace with the famous “Clearing of the throat” sound and that silenced everything and everybody. Outside the cows and chickens stood quietly. Steve would rollover on his side in the ditch, wipe his face off out of respect and Larry would catch himself in mid punch line and lower his head. Uncle Harold thus seizing the moment would begin.

There’d be one more clearing of the throat, probably because these magical words required a clear and firm voice, especially considering the audience. “Aahhrruummpphh, aaahhhrrruuummmpphh, aarruummpphh” For God’s sake put it in gear.

“Dear Heavenly Father we ask that you bless this food before us this day.” I always liked that first sentence. When you’re hungry there’s nothing better than mashed potatoes, turkey and those little snow peas and knowing they have been properly blessed. I would literally start drooling at this point.

“And Lord, bless each and every one of the assembled here today. Bless their families and be with Bill on his long journey back to Utah.” SCORE! Boy did I like getting top billing in Uncle Harold’s prayers! I started adding up my take, ten, fifteen, twenty. Out of the corner of my eye I could see my brother in law mouth the words Damn!

“Lord bless those that are away from their families on this day and be with those that have lost loved ones this past year.”  God, what style he had. He was the “Mozart of Grace” I swear.

“Be with each of us this special day and help us remember the many blessings that thou hast bestowed upon us!” That part of grace usually followed Uncle Harold’s having had to have listened to a couple of family members bitching about the President and his handling of current political affairs, a man I might add that Uncle Harold had voted for. It was tough being a Republican in a Socialist State like Iowa.

“We ask you Lord to bless the marriage of Carla and Gilbert.” Carla and Gilbert! Who in the hell is Carla and Gilbert? I did a quick review of the family and there wasn’t a Carla and Gilbert as far as I could tell. I snuck a peek and didn’t see anybody that could be mistaken for a Carla or Gilbert and there were plenty of looks my way as if maybe I knew who he was referring to. Oh, well, even the great ones slip up once in a while.

“We bless and rejoice in the knowing that you sent your son Jesus here so that we may be saved.” At this point it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Nobody, I mean nobody wanted to be caught glancing around, fidgeting or snickering at this juncture of grace lest ye be struck down by a bolt of lightning with Uncle Harold shouting, “Good! He deserved it!” Then there would be the dramatic five second pause before Uncle Harold said,

“We ask these blessings in thy name, Amen.” Everybody would raise their heads, smile and thank Uncle Harold. Then with someone going outside to pee and fetch my brother Steve the scrum to eat would begin.

Though I was hungry, I was always just a little sad and depressed at this time because Uncle Harold went back to being the real Uncle Harold and that quiet couple of minutes had now become a scene of utter chaos and destruction as the heathens fought over drum sticks and macadamia nut casserole. I knew that someday the two minutes or more with Uncle Harold would be but a fond memory and right now, today, I had at least three hundred and sixty five more days to wait before this scene would play out again. Still, all in all, it was good to be with family, the food and drink was truly a blessing and my brother Steve had stopped puking and was now quietly asleep in the basement. Another wonderful Thanksgiving with the Kenny’s, Mohr’s, Britt’s, and Weber’s was well under way and if you were related to them, you might as well suck it up and enjoy yourself. Besides, I knew that I had once again witnessed the master of Thanksgiving grace and I was filled with gratitude on this special day.

Later as we helped carry Uncle Harold to his car, we knew he was in good hands because Aunt Mae was always the one that drove home after dinner. After he had passed away a couple of members of the family had even taken their turns at saying grace and filling Uncle Harold’s shoes, but nobody came close and my brother Gary was actually booed one year which caused me to worry about whether your food could be blessed when people were booing the giver of grace. But after someone had again fetched Brother Steve from outside, (this time he was located in the barn) I was happy to discover the food tasted just fine. We finally decided to forget grace what with Uncle Harold being gone and with the understanding that we were all heathens anyway. Yes, it’s always this time of year I think of my Uncle Harold and maybe, just maybe, if we’re all real quiet this year right before dinner and imagine hard enough and we all click our heels together just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, we’ll hear him clear his throat one more time. I sure hope so and I hope I’m featured. I’m betting on it!    

As we all know, it is not a matter of if we will encounter adversity in our lives but when.  Whether it be financial, the loss of a loved one, health or any other form we always find out where we sit within our various relationships.  The reactions and the actions of those around us, especially the really important people such as our spouses or our other family members have a great impact on our ability to adapt to and overcome the troubles we are experiencing.

Nothing new here, but let’s apply the law of polarity to this for a moment.  What about when the people around us that we adore and love are going through some very trying times?  Are we being the best husband, wife, father or friend we can be?  What if it was us going through that and the people around us were still demanding the love and friendship that we were getting when times were great?

My wife and I have been through absolute thick and thin together.  She has been there for me, through medical, financial, family and the loss of loved ones and for that I give her a virtual hug as I right this post.  Now as she reads this post and deals with her family and the loss of her wonderful and beautiful Mother, my wife can know that I am there for her.

We can both be proud of how we deal with the adversities we are challenged with, personally and as a couple.  We both would give you the same answer when asked how we do it — our studies of Personal Development and using our mindset to overcome any adversity we are faced with.

When you click on the link above (mindset to overcome any adversity), you will be re directed to a registration page.  From there you are able to register for a free tele-seminar that is dedicated to assisting people in developing their own mindset and overcoming their own adversity.

There are times in any relationship, that the other person will get on your nerves.  Have you ever experienced this?  There’s someone very close to you - a husband, wife, other family member or friend - and they’ve said something that upsets you, or they behave in a way that you really don’t like.   The problem is, they’re a huge part of your life and you love them - you just don’t like them very much right now.

Here’s a great tip on how to handle these situations.  Make a list of all the things you like about the person.  Are they funny, do they tell great stories, are they great listeners?  How about the times they cheer you up or the great parties they have.  Everyone has great qualities and if they’re in your life, there’s something about them that you can appreciate.

By focusing on all the things you love about the person, you’ll shift from being irritated or upset with them, to being grateful for having them in their life.  Gratitude is the most powerful method of attracting great things into your life.  You may also consider sharing that list with the person in the form of a gratitude card.  It will make both of you feel good and the other person will focus too on all the great things you feel about them.

Knowing that the law of attraction brings to us what we put our focus and energy to, you’ll soon start seeing more of the qualities you love about that person being brought out in your interactions with them.

We all have good times and bad times in our relationships, especially with our significant other.  It is so easy once things start going badly, to create a downward spiral of negative thoughts and feelings toward each other.  It may start with one partner finding fault with the other and therefore nagging the other about it, this usually just causes the faults to get worse and therefore the nagging to increase.  The longer the nagging increases the worse the faults become and therefore down the spiral they go.  This may seem like a lose-lose situation, but there is something that you can do.  In the self help book “Success through a Positive Mental Attitude” by Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone, it tells the story of a young man struggling in his marital relationship.  What the young man learns and which we all must learn is that when we are faced with misunderstandings with others, we first must start with ourselves.

When we find ourselves in that downward spiral and we explore our own mental attitude we will almost always find it to be negative.  If we can change our own attitude to be more positive, it will most certainly create more positivity in our relationships.  Often, if we fix our own problems we no longer have a problem with our loved one.  Although we cannot change others, by creating a positive mental attitude in ourselves, we create more positive and rewarding relationships.